I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize