I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All the doctor said was why
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
