all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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