Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
