my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
