like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
