i was born a porn star she said
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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