i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
