We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize