people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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