Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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