Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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