I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
