so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
