i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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