best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Mom said you looked used
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
NoShamevember. You game?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
