He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
