Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize