A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
