I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to make out with him forever
did i just pee glitter
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
