How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
