I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
