Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
