did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
