he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
