What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Say something about gay babies.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
