She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
