please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
