either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
