i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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