he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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