You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
