sarcasm needs its own font
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
