You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
