i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
