He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
