you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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