apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
