I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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