So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
