Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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