I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
