I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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