and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She told me I should be a condom model.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
