omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
