He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
