Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize