i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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