No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
