I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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