Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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