Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
