My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
