really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
