so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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