i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
