Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
