If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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