no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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