I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
