She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
