i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
