i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
