Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
