I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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