I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
