So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
