Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
