I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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