Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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