I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
