I cannot find my penis.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
