brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
