If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
