I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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