I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
