You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
