'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
