i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
