3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
