dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
