The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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