Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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