Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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