Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize