Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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