i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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