youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
