Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
