if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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