The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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