he wants to bone in the snuggie
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
