I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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