I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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