i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
