Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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