I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My cat gives me a boner
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i think my cat just said my name.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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