Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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