The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize