I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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