it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
