sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
